Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
