So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
