All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
