Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize