I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
