i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
