I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
