There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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