Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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