i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
