She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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