I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
