why didn't you poke me back
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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