im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
