Kiss
Puke
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
