the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize