she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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