I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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