Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
