He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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