I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
