Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
