If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
