omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
