I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
