y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
