At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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