And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
