Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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