im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
