I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
