Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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