she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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