Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
