I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
