I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Randomize
