I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
