I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
