If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
