if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
