i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
