I puked a lego.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize