I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
