Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
smell my finger.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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