i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
