after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
