Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize