so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
