swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
