the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
