I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
