Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
