I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
