she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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