I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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