it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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