This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
