yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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