Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
