Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
