these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
