OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
