and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
