what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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