Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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