He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
