my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
