im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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