It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
