1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
