why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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