Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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