I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
