I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
