It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize