gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
