Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
