i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
