Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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